Can I just forget my past?
The past is always present with us. We are affected by the good and the bad of our past experiences with the world. Since we are programmed by past experiences on a conscious, subconscious, and unconscious level, it is critical to allow ourselves to work through the influence of the past in order to live peacefully in the present. Past trauma does not go away on its own. Healing allows us to live with our past instead of running from or fighting it.
Does my past define me?
Nothing defines us more than our choices. The past does not define us, although it certainly influences the path we walk. The past tells us how we got where we are, but it cannot dictate where we go in the future. There are resources available to help survivors heal from the negative effects of childhood sexual abuse. Many survivors actually thrive on the healing path.
Why can't I stop thinking about the abuse?
Thinking about the abuse/abuser is a common response as it was once your true reality. However, obsessing about the person and the events is unhealthy and nonproductive. As you learn to be present with your reality and as you learn various coping tools, the obsessiveness of your thoughts will dissipate. Thinking and behaving negatively is a consequence of the abuse and is what causes havoc in the life of a survivor. Nevertheless, when you begin to heal, your thoughts will heal as well.
Why do I blame myself?
Research has shown that a traumatized brain functions differently than a ‘normal’ brain. A major challenge of being an adult survivor is that the brain changes from when the abuse took place in childhood. The brain that processed the abuse when it happened is not the brain that you consciously use now. Now, your brain wants to apply logic in a way that was not available in childhood due to a lack of maturity. Your attempt to connect to the past often results in blame, shame, and guilt from the misuse of current adult logic. This is why it is so helpful to connect with the inner child to resolve issues from the abuse?
What if I never have proof that I am a survivor but I strongly believe that I am?
Repressed memory is common for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. That means that your memories are not always clear or much of the events are missing from your conscious. The memories are still there and you are just as influenced by the past experiences as survivors who remember everything. If you have reason to believe that you have been abused and see the effects of abuse in your present life, then it may be time to begin your healing journey. You don’t need details of the past to heal.